Datetastic

Yes, I know it’s been a couple of days since the last article. No, I haven’t run out of topics to write about. I can’t ever imagine not actually forming an opinion on current topics. In the end, all of my articles are facts of my opinion. Did you catch that? Of course in my mind, my opinion is fact until otherwise proven different. I’m sure it’s the same in your world. Anyway, now that I’m back at my computer with the tickle to write something, I’ll proceed forward. I couldn’t start a new week without a new word. Datetastic is a mixture of Date and Fantastic. Of course, are there any dates that aren’t fantastic? Well, maybe some aren’t at the end of the date, but at the beginning, they are always fantastic! So I’m writing about dates? Yes, but not in the sense that you may be thinking. I’m going to take an alternate route here, so join me on my journey in type.

Anyone who is reading this has more than likely been on a date. Most people have also probably been in or currently are in a serious relationship. Others may even be married, gasp! Whoa, married? People still do that these days? Even with all the media hype that marriages fail more often than survive, prenuptial agreements are mandatory, and whatever other detrimental factoid they can push down our society’s throat about marriage being just a legal document? Sure, marriage is still fundamentally alive and well. How do the unions that do survive, make it? Are they special, do they do anything different, or are they living in a fantasy world? As always, I have some opinions here. While I don’t have the experience of those who have been married for long periods of time (20, 30, 40 years), I do have enough time in that I know what works. And I also know what doesn’t.

Let’s get back to dates and what relevance they have in this topic. Every relationship started somewhere. Two people happen to meet and recognize a spark. The spark could be something very simple to something extremely noticeable. From that meeting, the relationship proceeds from friendly chit-chat and talks to dating. Dating is the process where people are basically on a fact finding mission about one another. Of course, most fact finding during dating is actually the process of solving riddles or finding your way through intricate mazes. The true “facts” of the person you are “allowed” to see are usually shrouded in thick clouds of smoke and altered through various mirrors. That is why it’s called the dating game. People play games while they date because they are afraid to show their real person within for fear of rejection. However, over time, as the two people involved in the game get to know one another, the guards will come down and the riddles and mazes are slowly removed. We are then allowed to see the real person. If at that point, we are still sufficiently energized by the relationship, we will choose to accept the other person for who they really are and expect to be accepted vice versa.

This is the point of a relationship where we experience datetastic episodes. Two people, choosing to be honest with one another, are truly enjoying each other during their time together. The dates are enjoyable, fruitful, and genuinely fun. Once the relationship enters this stage, thinking about long term commitment usually enters the couple’s conversation, and rightfully so. No longer are we talking about “puppy love” or lust. We are talking about two people who truly care about each other and people who know the inner person of their partner. Boundaries no longer exist, secrets are removed, and life is great because their mate has potentially been found. Life takes on a new meaning in this stage. I’m sure you’ve either been here or seen people in this state. They walk around with a smile on their face for no reason. They seem happy to be awake at the crack of dawn. They even talk about their relationship in good terms! Can you believe people like this exist? Sure, I am one of them, even after 6+ years of marriage.

How come some people in long term relationships barely spend any time with their spouses? How come some people “need” a lot of their own personal time? How come some people act like they are single but have been married for a long while? You may think I’m a beginner here so I don’t really know. It has nothing to do with how long you have in this journey. It’s what you do during the journey that matters. Lasting marriages involve two people working together to make the relationship carry on. Some of the marriages that fail never reach the datetastic portion of the relationship. They are continually playing the dating game even after “marriage.” Some marriages were “forced” do to “accidents.” Some marriages were actually convenience marriages. Some marriages were just to satisfy a state of loneliness. This is where we see the failing of marriages. There was never a true relationship to start with. Failure is eminent. Unless two people are truly involved together with making a relationship work, it is basically just a working arrangement for tax purposes.

So what exactly are the things that are done during the journey that can make a marriage last? It all starts with the topic of this article, Datetastic. Your relationship has to be datetastic. You should have time to date your wife. Let me restate that. You should MAKE time to date your wife. Is that a novel idea? No, but it may be to some. Dating is not over just because you have a ring on your finger. If you continue to date your spouse, you will continue to nurture your relationship and grow together. Dating is not group related either. It is the simplest one on one endeavor you can partake in. Focus is upon each other. You may think you don’t have time for it or there just isn’t anything left to do after all these years or maybe it’s just boring. Well, that is all so utterly and completely wrong. If it’s been a while since your last date with your wife or husband, take a little time after you have read this and come up with a special day or evening for your spouse. I guarantee you it will make a difference in your life and relationship. After doing this, do it again. Keep doing it. Dating should not be a rare occurrence. It should be something each of you looks forward to ALL the time.

After all this, we end up back at dating? Yes, that’s the fact of the matter. Date your wife or husband as part of your relationship. Communication is the key here. We are all continually growing as human beings. We are not the same person we were a month ago, a year ago, or 10 years ago. If you are not dating, do you really know who you are with? By continually dating, we are able to stay in constant communication and in touch with our spouse. I challenge you to go out on a date with your wife or husband this week. Write back a comment about your experience. If you haven’t “dated” in a while, it may be hard the first few times, but I’m confident you will get the hang of it. Your marriage or relationship will definitely benefit from your efforts and I’m sure your wife or husband will remember the datetastic times of the past! Make that past your present and future!!