Asking For Help

Have you ever been asked for help by someone but that person really didn’t mean it? I see two distinct variations of this statement. Number one, I see people ask for help and never utilize that help. It’s almost a situation where they want it to look as if they are involving others but in reality, they want to do everything themselves except for the simplistic, time consuming, or boring pieces of a task. Is that really asking for help or asking for a secretary? Secondly, I see people ask for help but then promptly disappear from the task completely. You, the helper, have now become the owner of the task. That’s not exactly the definition of asking for help now is it?

To me, asking people for help involves getting people truly involved with the task you are asking them to help you on. It means giving them important tasks associated with the current issue and it also means that you must still play the integral role. You are the one asking for help right? That inherently means that the helpers are there to facilitate accomplishing goals and not running the task or project.

I must admit, I’m not very good at asking for help. But when I do, I expect people that accept the challenge, to undertake important roles within the project. Given that I don’t like to ask for help, I like to do most things myself, according to my rules… and the project is completed only when I believe that all goals are satisfied over their original expectations. However, as I stated, there are times when asking for help is the only true way to complete a project or task. That’s when I have to recognize that not everyone is going to treat their work the same way I do. Their version of effort may not be equal to mine. Their version of complete or satisfaction may not equal what I believe to be a finished project.

This simple ideology can lead to a very bad thing… micro managing. In my college years, I was involved in several group projects that accounted for a major portion of our grades. I would ask for help as the project depended upon teamwork and group effort, but in the end, I would end up having to oversee every aspect of the project to achieve a satisfactory completion. This happened on more than one occasion… but my grades always came back high so the results justified the means right? But, did the success of securing a high grade do me any good in the arena of utilizing my team and asking for help? Looking back, I can say no it didn’t.

I see many people in the world living this way in both their personal and work lives. They ask for help, but they don’t truly mean it. They either want to oversee every single thing and make sure it complies with their version of excellence or they want to simply disappear from the project all together. In my case, I was always wary of the capabilities of others. I always thought I could do it better so I needed to be involved. In the end, I limited myself and the people within the group. I basically stunted all of our growth in an effort to get a better grade.

How do you ask people for help? Are you actually looking for people to provide you their expertise and effort or are you looking for a secretary or paper pusher to take over the rudimentary tasks? Are you looking for someone to unload a project on which you have deemed unworthy of your precious time? I will admit that I’ve done both… that doesn’t make it right by any means.

Next time you ask for help, make sure you allow those you have asked to help, actually HELP! Also, next time that you are asked to help, be aggressive and try and assume some responsibility within the project or task. Learning more and contributing is well worth the effort. If you have to spend the time anyway, you might as well get something out of it right?

I’ve had to spend a lot of time going against my natural instincts of doing it all and I’m still not very good at doing that. But I do try and hopefully, I will continue to get better at both asking for help, and providing it.