Like Yeah

This week, I was given an opportunity to experience the fruits of our scholastic tax dollars at work while sitting my obligatory half an hour at the DMV in an effort to renew my license to drive. Yes, I said “scholastic” tax dollars… Why would I say that you may ask? Well, let me inform you of my pleasant visit.

Usually in a public place with a variety of individuals in close proximity, people often try and speak softly or in vague terms in an effort to preserve some privacy and also extend a branch of respect to the other people. However, some people tend to miss this standard common sense rule and treat everyone to their business in an effort to garner some much needed attention in their lackluster lives. This is the situation I was in while waiting my turn at our local DMV. Two teenage girls, recently out of high school based upon the information me and the rest of the public were so graciously given, were intent on having a “cool” conversation so that the rest of our lives would pale in comparison to their “awesomeness.”

As I sat there with my paperwork slowly being twisted into garbage by my whitening hands and fingers, I was given a play by play of their plans for the day, their recent history, and their future plans for the week. I felt as if I were sitting in an auditorium listening to some cackling teenagers on a public address speaker informing us of the upcoming spirit week at school. To my delight, only about 20 of my 30 minutes were under this deluge of nonsense and I completed my task without bothering another single human being while doing so. I even had the chance to engage in a polite conversation with the clerk and elicit a genuine smile and laugh from her.

What does this have to do about my scholastic tax dollars at work? Let’s see, where to begin… Returning the focus to the teenage girls, now in college based upon their announcements, their intellectual speaking level and grasp of English left me in a state of amazement. At one point, I began counting the word “like” in their sentences and according to my last count they could not create a single sentence without utilizing the term more than four to five times. I lost count of the overall total at somewhere over 30 (after only counting for about 3 minutes) because I felt like shoving my birth certificate into one ear and my proof of residency in the other.

I made the correct choice and allowed my ears to bleed internally as their inane chatter bludgeoned my ear drums so I could actually finish the process of getting my new license. What I have a problem with is not the two girls and their lack of public sensitivity (that is to be expected by the youth these days). What I have a problem with is their skill level in both English and thought to sentence to speaking ability. I understand shorthand and people speak without having to focus upon perfect grammar and whatnot, but seriously, can’t someone make coherent statements when released from 12 years of publicly financed school?

At times during their conversation, I felt like I was trying to decipher some sort of audible version of hieroglyphics. I believe these two teenage girls have created their own dialect solely focused upon the word “like.” I felt as if I were a CSI investigator trying to find the motive behind the story. After 20 minutes of speaking, their lives seemed to center around a few highly important issues: no money, getting their nails done, buying a new dress for a frat party, and moving out even though they have no clue how they can afford it and their parents disagree with it.

Of course, my investigating prowess may be a bit non-professional, but in between all the gibberish, I’m pretty sure I’ve nailed their conversation. I guess my tax dollars served them well because they both seemed to be able to integrate within society and function without the help of a parent (well, they did talk to one of their parents on their cell phone so maybe not). After my brain returned to normal size from the enlarged state it was in from the incessant bashing of it by their baseball bat-like conversation crushing my skull, I realized, this is the generation that is going to be running my country when I’m old.

After realizing such a nightmare no horror movie could ever hope to achieve, I felt a little nauseous. I know common sense has become uncommon sense, but given the billions of dollars we drain from our citizens’ bank accounts can’t we expect a better product? Can’t the product of 12 years of school be something better? Our kids are in fact a product of our system and it seems that we are failing at producing young men and women who we would be proud to have lead our country. I know, there are lots of good kids out there, but where are they when I am out in public? Are they hidden away from public view as to save them of the horror we all face? Are they hiding out in the ignorant masses trying to fit in like some undercover mafia agent waiting until the time is right to show their true colors? Please normal young men and women, come out and show yourselves, I am begging you… for the sake of our country, show us that our tax dollars are not being spent in vain.